How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
