Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
