How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
