My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
