At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
