When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
