Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
