Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
...so i touched it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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