woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
