he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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