We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
