Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My vagina just clenched in fear
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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