I wanna bring you to show and tell
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i may or may not be watching the land before time
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
