I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
