the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
