Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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