I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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