I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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