I smell stomach acid.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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