Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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