Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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