Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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