you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
