There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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