My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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