8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize