And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
