You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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