Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
