i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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