just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I did not marry a roomba.
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