I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have fence marks all over my body
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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