trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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