I puked a lego.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
