I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
