i jhust puked up my retainher.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
