Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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