last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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