dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
