I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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