forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
