you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
