i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
