i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
