I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
