You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
