pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
