i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
