So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
