I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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