I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
