FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
