Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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