So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
