Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Your cock deserves a montage
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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