I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Randomize
