He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
