next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
