He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
