I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
