I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
