THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
