Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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