if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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