textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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