Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize