you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
