Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
