great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
