there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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