dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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